The Infamous Cycle

It’s true, alas, that negativity only begets more of the same. But I simply cannot help myself on this one! Universal truth: the winter blahs are back in brutal fashion, and I can’t come up with a single advantage to them for any sensible, normal human being, myself included.  Wish I were a polar bear! Put me to sleep and wake me when the crocuses are in bloom!

These days, the energy required to achieve the most simple of physical tasks (let alone intellectual!) is probably one hundredfold compared to the same during the blissful, sunny, warm and irresistible summer months when everything and anything seems possible. So what to do? Medicate? Sit, eat bonbons while watching reruns? Lord, save us! Bundle up, walk a full mile or two, and pretend it’s all sooo healthy for me? Never worked, never will! Meditate? Move my mind to some tropical haven only to realize where I truly am upon return to reality? Even more depressing, thank you.

Ah, yes. There is of course the ultimate suggestion: Initiate THE novel project (as in, written by me) shelved since time immemorial. But don’t we know that too is utterly unrealistic. All my creative cells are currently on hold, remember?

Just letting off steam...  There you have it, my grouchy bit of negativity for today.

Who knows, tomorrow might be better.

Of Merry Migraines

I’ts part hangover, part overload of emotions from last night’s impromptu, merry family gathering. Of course I should know better than to have too much Champagne and in the process, sadly mismanage anxiety, stress, unexpected excitement and affection, all rolled into a strange concoction.  

All is quiet here now, hardly a sign remaining of yesterday’s loud and joyous celebration, save for a few unwashed Champagne flutes on the kitchen counter. And a half bottle of fine Chardonnay in the fridge that I’ll be forced to eventually consider, with or without affable company.

Confusing thoughts fill my brain however, I’m still unable to assemble my mysterious puzzle. Through the woes of last night’s migraine, they kept assailing me, Mindfulness practice out the bedroom window. My poor head propped on three pillows, I kept reciting my mantra, ‘May I be happy, may I be happy… May I be happy and peaceful, safe and free, and able to care for myself…’, to no avail. Just a giant commotion throbbing in my head, coming, going, and coming again. I’m riding a satanic roller coaster.  

Blissfully, this too did pass. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, or so they say.

After the storm, after all the foolish and useless pain, what remains, strangely, is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for life, for love, and for family.

My wish for 2020? I give you one guess.